spell for trans safety (i) | huiying b. chan

may you know yourself
in a world of noise & confusion

when voices berate & anglicize
remember your rootedness

with each stomp like toph   shake
centuries-old rage off you / begin anew

may you know hydration
remember your cells are made

from the same water that coarses rivers
the same rivers that jade mountains

the same mountains our people tended
& traversed to arrive where we are today

may you know what it feels like
to be loved at your saddest   may a friend

catch you   hold you close   remind you
you are light   despite what you’ve been told  

the mirror is not broken   find your reflection
in their eyes   let dovetail embraces   soothe cold memories

may you stand taller     know the past is a past
you no longer need to hold onto

when damaged devil comes clawing
enact your boundary   shield yourself with gravity

-defying waterfalls   wind up & around you
know you have it within you to do this

may you know who & where & how you are   
is more than enough     is magic     is everything.

may you know anger / the violence enacted
on your bod is not one we need to downplay

or pretend is not there to survive
interpersonal slashes & transgressions

actions warrant reactions   you need
not sit still & smile through pain / even

when it is not safe to express your rage
feel it / when are you are alone

in the presence of ancestors   shake
your arms   then legs   your hips   then

your whole bod   give yourself permission
to tantrum / there is nothing more ancient

than anger released   nothing more freeing than anger
released   how else do you think we have survived all these years?

& when the feelings subside   as feelings come & go
let the exhales of your breath meld with mist

bring yourself back to a you | you have been forced
to forget   light incense   call in forces beyond

forget what you don’t have   wipe the shelf corners
clean grime off porcelain cups / it’s time

to return to who you thought you could never be
i ask you   through this song   stay here with me.

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